Tuesday, September 26, 2006

"That was some HORRIBLE parlay picks." Bill Walton

Well last weeks picks were terrible. Only one out of the three even resulted in a push with the other two just outright wrong. Tonight's impromptu pick is one from the heart. The University of Southern Miss Golden Eagles will take down the Golden Knights of UCF and cover. Take that to the bank as this week's lead pipe lock.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Other Parlays

Tulsa
Navy -4.5

UTEP -9.5
New Mexico

West Virginia -22
East Carolina



Louisville -14
Kansas State

Notre Dame -3
Michigan

Washington State -10
Stanford

Pigskin Parlay Picks

Here we go again with this weeks picks:

Boston College -6.5
North Carolina State

Florida International
Maryland -19.5

Iowa -20.5
Illinois

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Pigskin Parlay Picks

Here it is folks! Pigskin Parlay Picks of the week. Now while there is no certainty that these will be my final picks after consulting with the Cap’n, here is who I like this week.

Virginia +1
North Carolina

Houston
Mississippi State –2

Penn State -16
Illinois

OK. So what are you’re picks? Post them on the comments page and we’ll keep track for the remainder of the season to determine who actually holds the title of Pigskin Prognosticator of the Year.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Parlayville

OK back to the blog.

I know. I know. This blog sucks!

Well sure it does I’m a fat lazy bastard. What do you people expect?

Anyways, so I’ve been on the road a lot lately what with trying to take care of business back home and doin’ that job thing it leaves little time for keepin’ up with the Joneses.

But a wonderful thing happened this weekend that I just had to let you guys know about. The elusive three team parlay came through. Now I don’t know if you guys know a parlay from a parfait so I’ll break it down for ya. A parlay consists of betting on two or more teams to either cover the spread (score more than the Vegas guys set the line at) or pick the underdog and take the points. The beauty of the parlay is that you get 6 to 10 times what you bet depending on the number of teams in your parlay. A three teamer pays 6.5 to 1 and a four teamer pays 10 to 1. A ten teamer pays 1,000 to 1. (You’ve got a better chance at impregnating a mermaid than getting’ a ten teamer right so don’t waste your money.)

So you ask what the hell do I care for?

The answer is nailing the three team parlay is as hard as nailing the hottest girl in your office, classroom, AA meeting, etc.

I mean every week I pick a couple of these three team parlays that can’t lose and guess what?

I lose every week.

But not anymore.

See me and the Cap’n down in Miami have developed a system whereby we each pick five teams individually then weed out the other dudes obvious mistakes, argue for a half hour, call the other guy a moron, agree to a couple of teams we know suck ‘cause the other guys an idiot, and then lay down the dough.

This system has its obvious disadvantages such as splitting the loot, but I challenge you wherever you are to pick a three teamer this week post it on the comments with the spread included and I guarantee that one of your teams screws the whole thing up. Don’t believe me? Don’t want to embarrass yourself on the internet.

Fine.

Write your picks down at home. Check your Sunday paper and find out which team mailed it in.

If you think you’re good enough, smart enough, and that people really like you then post your three team college picks on the comments section and if one of you hits then we’ll start a meaningful relationship and ditch the Cap’n.

Later,

Former Loser Riverboat.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

OK. Due to some nagging by my friends over at the BigRingCircus I have decided to update, er, actually post something. What to write....? How 'bout we turn things over to Juancho.

Juancho: Hey everybody I'm Juancho and I'm real cool. I ride and write about bikes so chicks in cold states will like me.

Riverboat: OK Juancho that's enough for today.

Today is Thursday so Riverboat Adventures is open for business. Tonight's entertainment will consist of, you guessed it, Thursday Night Poker. The evening will begin promptly at 7:59 when participants from all over the city and surrounding counties descend on 10th Ave to get the lucky seats of the night. Usually that translates into a chair with a modicum of fresh air.

Timeline 8:04 The first gripe of the night is that Joe Never Happy does not like the person he is sitting next too.

Joe Never Happy: I'm not sittin' there he smokes and always raises.

Always Raises: Fine! Fuck You! I don't want you sittin' here noways.

Pit Boss: Everybody scoot over so Joe Never Happy can sit down.

Timeline 8:06 Always Raises goes for a beer in the fridge. Asks if anyone else needs one. (Note: This is the first and final time Always Raises will get up for the night.)

Timeline 8:28 Two full ashtrays are dumped by Pit Boss. Alway Raises asks for a beer while Pit Boss is up.

Timeline 8:40 Innocuous newcomer gets up for beer asks if anyone else would like one. Innocuous newcomer overwhelmed by six orders of different cold ones and two for Always Raises.

Timeline 8:40 and 52 seconds Riverboat deals his first hand prompting the second gripe of the night. At least three people are happy with his selection and for the first time there is solidarity among Always Raises and Joe Never Happy. In unison: "I hate this game, This aint poker"

Timeline 8:59 Pit Boss begins to cajole Splinter Cell into going to the bar after poker for a few games of stick. Babymaker joins in about how the hardest part of him buying a scooter was telling his dad he was gay. (Editor's note: The writers at Riverboat Adventures do not endorse any particular lifestyle, however some things are funny when said at the poker table.)

Timeline 9:03 Juancho arrives for material and to cast dispersions on the participants. He is instantly assaulted by numerous requests for beers from the fridge from at least four people who consider a trip to the icebox as a workout.

Fast Forward

Timeline 11:30 At least three quarters of the table have been made aware that they are in grave danger of being punched in the neck by Always Raises. The neck? I have never understood that other than I imagine it would hurt greatly. The last game of the night and the sixty third complaint is raised as antes are determined.

Timeline 12:04 We have a winner, five sore losers, one guy who left halfway through, and so ends another wonderful round of poker.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Welcome to Riverboat Adventures

Testing..testing..1,2,3